Chapter 19 - The Photograph Nathan Refused to TakeNora came home after twelve days.
Luke became unbearable.
He checked her breathing approximately every eleven seconds.
He sterilized bottles that had already been sterilized.
He bought four different thermometers.
At three in the morning, I found him sitting beside the bassinet staring at her.
“What are you doing?”
“Monitoring.”
“She is sleeping.”
“Suspiciously.”
“You need help.”
“I have three parenting apps.”
“That confirms my diagnosis.”
I loved him more than ever.
I also wanted to murder him twice a day.
Parenthood was magical that way.
Nathan and Rachel visited when Nora was six weeks old.
Nathan stood in our living room holding a stuffed elephant as though presenting tribute to a tiny monarch.
Rachel immediately took Nora.
Nathan stayed several feet away.
“You don't want to hold her?” I asked.
His eyes moved to me.
“Would that be weird?”
“Only if you make it weird.”
He smiled.
Rachel placed Nora carefully into his arms.
Nathan went completely still.
Nora opened her eyes.
For several seconds, they stared at each other.
Then she yawned.
Nathan laughed.
Something in his face broke.
I knew.
The alternate life again.
I almost looked away.
Instead, I picked up my camera.
Nathan saw me.
“No.”
“What?”
“Don't take this one.”
I lowered the camera.
“Why?”
He looked at Nora.
“Because I don't want to turn it into something I revisit.”
I understood.
He handed her back.
Later, Rachel helped Luke prepare dinner.
Nathan and I stood on the balcony.
“She's wonderful,” he said.
“Rachel?”
“Nora.”
“Rachel too.”
He smiled.
“She is.”
Then his smile disappeared.
“We can't have children.”
I looked at him.
“Nathan…”
“Rachel found out last month.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded.
“We're considering adoption.”
“That would be wonderful.”
“Maybe.”
He stared through the glass at Luke holding Nora while Rachel made ridiculous faces at her.
“It's strange.”
“What?”
“I spent years believing getting everything I wanted would make me happy.”
“And?”
“Turns out wanting the right things matters more.”
I leaned against the railing.
“You'll be a good father.”
Nathan looked at me.
“You don't know that.”
“I know you're better at admitting when you're wrong.”
“Low standard.”
“Start somewhere.”
He laughed.
Before leaving, Rachel hugged me.
Then whispered:
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting him see that you're okay.”
I frowned.
“He needed that?”
“We both did.”
I looked toward Nathan.
He was shaking Luke's hand.
No rivalry.
No competition.
Just two men whose lives had intersected because of me and who no longer needed me to choose between past and present.
After they left, Luke wrapped his arms around me.
“That was bizarrely civilized.”
“Disappointed?”
“A little. I prepared several cutting remarks.”
“You can use them next Christmas.”
He kissed my temple.
Behind us, Nora began crying.
Luke sighed.
“Your daughter needs you.”
“My daughter?”
“When she's cute, ours. When she's screaming, yours.”
I turned.
“You're sleeping upstairs.”
“We don't have upstairs.”
“I'll build one.”
May you like
Nora screamed louder.
We both started laughing.
